The Question That Changed My Style

July 27 2025, 3 min reading time

Heartbeat racing. Forehead starting to glisten.
And a room that looks like a toddler had a fit in the closet.

I have so many clothes, but somehow… not enough options.
None that feel right, at least.

How did I like all of these before, but none of them now?
When did that shirt get so bright?
How did that stain get there?!
 Woah...hold the phone....when did my favorite jeans start to highlight my love handles?!

Before the panic sets in, it's time to text the group chat. 
I furiously type the all-too-familiar words: “Does this look good on me??”
I can already hear the self-doubt creeping in.
Analyzing every flaw.
 Spending too much time trying to perfect a look,
One that doesn’t even feel like me.

You can see it in my eyes in the selfies.
Wanting to know "Does this version of me fit in?"

But before I hit send, I realize something.

I asked this same question the last time we went out.
When I wore that shirt everyone complimented, but I fidgeted with it all night.
And the time before that…
When I wore the dress that four girls asked where I got it from. But I ended up hating the pictures after. 

Sometimes I’d wear something that was technically flattering...
the internet-approved, body-shaping, “get compliments on the street” kind of outfit.
But I’d still feel off.

Like I was in a costume.
Like I was wearing someone else’s clothes.

But I didn’t question it too hard. I figured the problem was me.
Maybe I just wasn’t confident enough yet.
Maybe I was being too picky.
Maybe I should be grateful it zipped at all.

But the thought wouldn’t go away:
If this looks “good”… why don’t I feel good?

So I started trying something else. Quietly. Slowly. Almost by accident.

Instead of asking, “Does this look good on me?” I started asking
“Does this feel like me?”

Like, the real me.
Not the version trying to impress people.
Not the version trying to follow every trend.
Not the version who only exists for dinner plans and Instagram.

But the version who dances around the living room no matter the time of day. The version who loves bold colors but sometimes just wants a cozy neutral. The version who changes her mind a lot. The one who’s growing. Who makes mistakes. Who’s still figuring it out. 

And you know what’s wild?

Once I started dressing for her...for me,
I liked how I looked more.

Even if it wasn’t what I thought was the most “flattering.”
Even if no one else said a word.

There was something different in my eyes.
My posture.
My energy.

Because confidence doesn’t come from the mirror.
It comes from recognizing yourself in the mirror.

If you’re still asking, “Does this look good on me?” I get it.
We’ve been taught to ask that. We’ve been taught to shrink, smooth, camouflage, and conform.

But I’m telling you… that question might be keeping you stuck.

So try this instead:

Next time you get dressed, don’t look for what’s “right.” Look for what feels real.
Look for what makes you feel like you. Because the more you see her, the more you believe her. And the more you believe her, the more the whole outfit (and inner confidence) shifts.

This is where discovering your personal style starts.
It’s not about rules or trends or chasing the illusion of “put together.”

It’s about finding your way back to yourself - one outfit at a time.

And if that sounds like a journey you’re ready for…
I’m right here with you.

💛 Shelby

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